Elle M NOPe

I recently outed myself as a twin flame, on this blog, and that I am currently in separation, with my DM living across the country. We have never talked about our relationship in those kinds of terms. I don’t know if he has ever heard of the term “twin flame”, although I do know that he recognizes us as being in a soul to soul relationship.

Lately, when I think about our relationship certain events are replayed, and I think he knows more than he let on. One of those is mirrors. He would always want us to stand in front of a mirror together and look at our reflection. I interpreted his need for this as trying to get me to feel comfortable being with him – and that if I looked in the mirror, I could see his love for me, and what I looked like receiving that love and reciprocating it. It sounds lovely now, but we spent a lot of time in front of the mirror in order for me to feel comfortable. I think I may have had my eyes closed for more than half of our mirror visits.

But I have started to view that time quite differently now. And I think he was using that actual looking glass as a metaphor, to show me that he is the mirror of my own soul. He is neither better nor worse than I am. He is the true reflection of me. We are equals. Partners. Balanced.

I have been mourning our separation for months. Wondering what I can do to bring him back to me. Asking myself what I can do to speed up a reunion, because I have been feeling lost, I viewed him as the centre of my world. But the truth is, I am the centre of my world. He has a distinct role in my life, but is not actually the center of it.

Right after our separation, my mother had gotten sick, and she is blaming the family for her illness. Not her siblings, but my father, my brother, and me. She is enjoying the attention from others, work colleagues, close friends, but she has pushed away her family. She abandoned us, when we wanted to help her. Which is consistent with my upbringing. Neglect and abandonment are common themes from my childhood. And I believed that I was the cause for that neglect (that subject is another blog post).
For the past 8 months, he has been mirroring that energy back to me – and I am just now waking up to it. Just by even being aware of it my body feels so stiff and sore right now. Like if I bend my knee, I will break my leg. This tells me that I am onto something. So I think I will end the night by drinking some water, and be extra kind and patient to myself.

*This blog post uses all 26 letters of latin alphabet. Its been edited now, and I am too lazy to count the letters – so it may no longer contain all 26 letters, and I dont care 🙂

** PhotoSource – Pinterest via Jose Mora